Friday, June 20, 2014
Men of the world, we know that deep down underneath that muscular, manly-man exterior, you are a soft little boy who just wants to build forts out of pillows and watch superhero movies in your underwear.
Sometimes you’re really annoying and clueless, but other times, you do these adorable things that us ladies find both strange and precious. In fact, some of the more adorable things about you are also simultaneously some of the weirdest.
We also know that you hate being called adorable, but we love you for that, too.
Here are some of the strange things you do that we can’t help but find endearing:
1. When you’re kind of socially awkward
I don’t care what any magazine says: If you ask to kiss me and stumble a little bit on your words, I will not only find it insanely cute, but you will definitely be able to kiss me.
Please don’t worry about being suave when asking us for your phone number; we don’t need you to be like Mr. Big or Casanova when hitting on us. You snatching our hands, looking us in the eyes and nervously uttering some huge line like, “So, I think you’re, uh, really cool, and maybe we can, you know, hang out sometime?” is the key to our hearts.
2. When you zone out while staring at us
On the spectrum of dorky and cute, this leans way more towards cute. Sometimes you do this thing where you zone out completely while you’re staring at us, to the point where you don’t even notice that we noticed you looking.
After it takes a second for you to bounce back, we can’t help but laugh at you. That was precious. Do it again.
3. When you accidentally drop a really impressive fact
Intelligence is undoubtedly sexy, but when it leaks out of your pores in a (seemingly) accidental moment, we are sold. We hate pretentiousness, but what we don’t hate is you giving us a little lesson about some awesome historical moment or recent scientific discovery we hadn’t known about before.
Plus, if you are casual about your fact dropping (emphasis on “we hate pretentiousness,” dudes), it just makes you way sexier.
4. When you geek out over things
Am I the only person who finds it absolutely adorable when a guy obsesses over something, especially if the thing he is obsessing over is kind of weird? It shows he has passion and is unapologetically himself, and that is something I can’t get enough of.
It’s even cuter when you rant to us about it for a little bit and let us ask you questions about it. In fact, we enjoy fueling this fire of adorableness as much as possible by asking you to tell us that detail about which we can sense you really want to geek over, but feel too shy to do so.
The way your eyes light up when you talk about what you love is undoubtedly the best thing in the world. So what happens next in that Green Lantern comic book?! Does he die?
5. When you are holding a baby
This is the greatest thing ever because, as per the patriarchy and male and female stereotypes, it’s a slightly unnatural sight. Nothing makes our heads scream, “I want to have your babies!” like seeing you hold a baby.
When a small child is cradled in your large man hands, we just freak out. In the least creepy and obsessive way (we promise!), we kind of imagine the type of dad you’d be, and that makes our little biological insides want you really bad — really, really bad.
6. When you flex in a picture “by accident”
We’re not stupid, guys: We can tell when you’re flexing, even if it’s subtle. But it’s pretty damn cute when you try to pretend like we don’t notice. We may even jokingly comment about how “buff” you are, which will probably make you flex even more.
It’s actually cute when you make any slightly obvious attempt to impress us in general. The more obvious it is that you’re trying really hard, the more adorable. That’s the mantra. Keep it up, boys.
7. Your bromances
Nothing is cuter than a guy who has a best friend and is unashamed to tell the world about it, especially if he’s been friends with the same guy(s) since childhood. Usually it’s girls who obsess over their BFFs, but if a boy does it, it’s adorable and it makes us want to get to know the friends better.
It’s especially precious when your best friend makes fun of you in a way that I may not understand because it’s usually followed by an embarrassing story about you from your grade school days, which is fantastic and just makes you even more precious.
8. When you grow a 5 o’clock shadow to hide your baby face
We know you’re insecure about the fact that you think your cheeks are a little puffy and your skin is a little soft, so we find it so cute when you try to hide everything with facial hair.
We know you just want to appear tough, manly and intimidating, and while we’ll let you have that, we’ll also poke fun at how your beard looks. Because, you know, if your face is that infantile, your beard probably looks misplaced. Just kidding!
9. When you can’t dance or sing, but try anyway
You know that guy at the party who’s hanging out in the corner and moving slightly out-of-tempo to the song blasting from the speakers? He’s teetering on the line between being confident and wanting to run out of the room, but he manages to stay anyway.
He’s really trying, and it’s adorable. I mean, sure, my ovaries won’t object to a guy who can actually dance, but it gets exhausting keeping up with someone with that much rhythm. I’ll have more fun making fun of you.
10. When your humor is extremely deadpan
If your humor has the perfect amount of dryness and deadpan-ness, you will go far. Give us a good one-liner — maybe mumble it to yourself a little bit — and we’re sold. While we love a good corny joke, we love jokes that we would miss if we weren’t listening carefully enough even more.
Basically, if we can’t tell whether you’re trying to be funny or actually making fun of us, you’ve succeeded.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
They’re the work of Kylie Wu, who writes, “I’m so proud to be the artist involved in making the first ever same-sex Hallmark eCard featuring two gay dads. And I’m proud of Hallmark for celebrating people’s differences! It doesn’t matter who’s in it, LOVE makes a family.”
It’s been a long time coming. Hallmark only started offering wedding cards for gay couples in 2008 (!) and was the target of a petition last year. Kristiana Johnson set up a Change.org petition, asking the company to provide Mother’s Day and Father’s Day cards for folks who were raised by LGBT parents.
At the time, Hallmark said they didn’t have any plans to do so (!!) and that if you wanted to send a card to your gay parents, you’d just have to buy a blank card and write it yourself. (!!!)
That was the same year that President Obama invited two gay dads to the White House for a Father’s Day celebration.
But now, finally, Hallmark is getting with the times. They don’t have a physical card just yet; this is online-only. But maybe before the decade is out they’ll get around to updating their messages.
Father’s Day is this Sunday, the 16th, by the way. Don’t let it slip by without at least a call home to dad!
Monday, May 12, 2014
The truth of the matter is gay dating has turned into an endless competition with ourselves and the people around us. So much so that we’ve forgotten what’s important. With endless voices reminding us what we’re missing, boyfriends have become the number one accessory of the 21st century.
I’ve seen countless of gay guys obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship, yet so many of them don’t actually want it when they find it. It’s the “idea” around it which makes them feel complete, not the practice. With so many hot guys shaking their tails in the gayborhoods and on TV, it’s quite easy to get distracted the minute another enters our peripheral. Finding and settling down with a guy not only takes discipline, but a conscious decision – probably the most complex we’ll ever make. But if done right, it doesn’t seem like work at all.
Access to information has made us more picky, jealous and snoopy than ever before. But regardless of the high-tech age we’re in, we’re still plain old human beings looking for someone to connect with. Most of the time, the only person that’s preventing us from achieving what we want is us. But here are a few problems I’ve discovered in the process:
- Gay Guys Are Boys Until They Turn 30
It’s easy to stay a boy forever when you’re a gay man. The parties never end and the drinks are constantly pouring at every corner bar in the gayborhood. Even if we’re settling nicely in the job of our dreams, turning our adversities into gold and shaping ourselves into a man of character, our “twenties” seem to last longer than anyone else’s. Most gay guys in the dating scene today don’t envision themselves getting married or having kids until they’re 30-something. For those who want it before, you’re probably out of luck so you might as well use this time for what it is.
We all have different versions of what a successful relationship is. The good news is, unlike women, there’s no need to rush into having a family. For those who feel like they do, stop fooling yourselves. You have much more time than you think – don’t look at your life on a spectrum of deadlines.
- We Refuse To Sacrifice Anything
When you decide to settle down with someone, there’s always a sacrifice to be made. Most serial monogamists are too busy focusing on landing the next man they often sacrifice their identity. For guys who’ve been single all their lives, it’s the opposite. They treasure their alone time so much that the thought of sacrificing it for someone else terrifies them.
We’re always sacrificing something in this regard, whether we’re single or in a relationship. In a way we both lose, but depending on how you look at it, we also both win. The trick is finding a person who’s worth the sacrifice. It’s not easy giving time, attention, affection, sex, commitment and responsibilities to someone else. But relationships are about compromise. Though it might seem hot and steamy in the movies, the average film is only two hours long. Compare that to a longterm relationship full of ups, downs, and turnarounds.
- We’re Too Afraid Of Feeling Vulnerable
The dating community – online and offline – is so afraid of looking or feeling vulnerable it’s difficult to make the first move about being honest with our feelings. Because of this, it’s much harder to surpass the first step.
We’re not in junior high anymore. There’s no need to lay your head down and turn bashful when a cute guy smiles, or roll your eyes and pretend you didn’t notice. Conjure up the confidence to show the world how unserious you take yourself. We’re human beings and we relate most to people who remind us of that, not ones who constantly try to have a wall.
- We’re Unclear Of Our Intentions
A lot of us are looking for sex while the minority is looking to settle down, and we hardly find it out which one it is until we’re already emotionally invested. Because most gay men leap into sex after the first or second date, any motivation behind the actual date becomes blurred. Even if he calls or texts you the next day, there is still always a question in the back of your mind. Was I just a booty call or was it something more? We’re too afraid to ask since it might make us look needy, so we usually brush it off. If we are out in the open from the get go, we might save ourselves a lot anxiety down the road.
- We’ve Become Nomadic
In case you haven’t noticed, the price of airfare has never been cheaper and more accessible. Since a lot of gay men, especially in their twenties, have nothing holding them down, i.e. kids, this generation has become much more goal-oriented. We want to move away, travel and achieve big dreams. Not that there’s anything wrong with the idea, but it sure does put a damper on anyone who might see a future with you. Most of the people I’ve met on the scene plan on being in the city only within the next year or so. Whenever you hear something like this, it’s easy to filter not only your emotions, but any relationship potential outside of sex. What’s wrong with staying still for a bit?
- Money Rules Our Emotional Availability
There are so many people with debt nowadays, especially those in their twenties and thirties. It rules over us like a dark cloud and usually prevents us from making beneficial decisions, including love. If someone is packing 80 grand worth of debt they can’t afford to pay back, it’s clear they’re going to be a little closed off – whether consciously or unconsciously.
Even if they have a “real job” instead of the normal assistant level jobs a lot of us tend to carry for years, most people with debt tend to think more about paying rent than having a boyfriend who wants to go out to dinner, to the movies or even to a cheap happy hour they can’t afford. Money makes the world go round, but it also affects our psyche in more ways than we think. Either be patient or make the appropriate steps towards fixing both aspects of your life.
- Hookup Apps Are Becoming The Norm
Whether you like it or not, it’s rare to find a gay man in their twenties or thirties who doesn’t have a naked pic floating around somewhere in the cyber waves. Most of my friends and I had our first sexual encounters via online. Today, teenagers are doing it through mobile apps like Grindr. When you’re still in the closet these types of things can be your refuge, except for most it’s become a tool that helps them stay closeted.
These teenagers will one day grow up to be 30, 40 and 50. In ten years, hookup apps will morph into God knows what. But until then, they will only become more popularized as more users join the fun, even straight people. These gadgets are here to stay whether you think so or not. The only thing we can do is to make a personal choice to beat it or join it.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Therapist: Gay Males’ “Unrealistic Expectations”
Lead To Eating Disorders
Lead To Eating Disorders
According to the International Journal of Eating Disorders, there is a three times greater chance for a gay man to have a clinical eating disorder than a straight man.
What’s more, the Journal states that 15 percent of gay or bi men in the U.S. have struggled with the likes of bulimia, binge eating or anorexia, and of the total number of men suffering an eating disorder, 42 percent are gay or bi.
Linda Santangelo, a psychologist who runs an eating disorder program, has her own stats to thrown in — in her experience, gay men are seven times more likely to binge eat than straight men, and twelve times more likely to purge.
She says the reason behind it is coping. Coping with discrimination, violence or rejection in response to their sexuality. Or they may just be stressed out about coming out.
While we’re sure these cases must exist, isn’t there perhaps a more obvious explanation? Gay men are more sexually objectified than straight men — for better or worse — and couldn’t the desire to be your “perfect self” lead you down a path that ends hovering over the toilet?
Chase Bannister, a psychotherapist who specializes in eating disorders, recently told Salon:
“The gay male community has placed unrealistic expectations upon itself. Emaciation is normal. Electing not to eat or to only drink liquids for several days has become normative. Negative comments about body weight, shape, size of ourselves or others has become a daily part of our community’s common life.”
Bannister takes this argument even wider, hypothesizing that:
Gay males have over the years been named by society as having characteristics that are effeminate in nature, which are narrated by culture as weak, which as a clinician, I find misogynistic. The result of society seeing effeminate behavior as weak is to get bulked up.
So to sum up, we’re either dealing with rejection or unsafely bulking up to subconsciously try and disprove society’s preconceptions.
Could it be that we’re just trying to get laid?
Full story here via Queerty.com
Thursday, February 13, 2014
It’s an exciting day for Nevada, and we’re honored to be a part of it. Today, Freedom Nevada – the campaign to win the freedom to marry for same-sex couples in our state - formally launched, with events in Reno and Las Vegas.
There will be lots of work in the days and months ahead to move this important effort forward in our state. At The Center, we are committed to that work, and hope that you will join us as we stand up for freedom for all Nevada families.
If you’re ready to secure marriage for all loving couples in Nevada, click here to sign Freedom Nevada’s petition now.
Signing the petition today is a great first step towards showing that you, and a majority of Nevadans, believe all families in our state deserve the protections that only marriage can provide.
Freedom Nevada is being formed at a critical moment. Our state is preparing for a possible 2016 ballot measure and also the site of a high-profile court case on marriage.
This is a question of treating others and we would like to be treated. In Nevada, no member of anyone’s family should be told it’s illegal to marry the person they love.
But, today, thousands of loving, committed couples who call Nevada home are denied this basic freedom. These are our family members, friends and neighbors - people we know and love from our churches, schools and at work.
Here in Nevada - as in all of America - freedom means freedom for everyone, and it’s high time we made sure that loving, committed same-sex couples can share in the freedom to marry.
If you agree, sign the Freedom Nevada petition today and pledge your support for the effort to bring freedom to ALL Nevada families.
At The Center we couldn’t be prouder to stand with Freedom Nevada - and with all families in Nevada – to move marriage forward in the state we call home.
There’s lots of work ahead, thanks in advance for your help,
Robert L. Elkins, CEO
P.S. You can follow Freedom Nevada’s work on Facebook and Twitter for important updates.
Monday, February 3, 2014
In one year, I went from having a naked, stampless passport to having visited three different countries. While every traveling experience has been rewarding, my most meaningful experiences transpired while traveling alone.
Although domestic travel is certainly the easiest, traveling internationally presents a greater risk with a potentially greater reward. Check out the top 10 reasons it’s important to travel alone:
Traveling alone and outside of your comfort zone teaches you so much about yourself that you wouldn’t have otherwise learned. It requires more organization, but you’ll likely learn more about the types of activities you enjoy most.
2. Meeting new people
It can be difficult to meet new people when you’re not traveling alone, but eating and drinking alone presents an easy way to strike up a conversation with a local. While in Montréal last October, I met a guy who hitchhiked from Berkeley. He had very little money, no Internet, no television and no computer; he had just a cell phone, a record player and was living with the bare minimum. I found him to be inspiring and we still keep in touch.
3. Making — and sometimes breaking — your itinerary
While it’s important to be organized while traveling alone, sometimes deviating from your plan will lead to the most inspiring and interesting experiences. If you’re an excessive photographer, there is no one around to judge you — except for maybe the locals who shake their heads at you for being a stereotypical tourist. But, who cares? You’ll probably never see any of them again.
Skip the museums if you’re not interested. If you’d rather check out the nightlife and arts scene than historical landmarks, go for it. It’s your trip and you’re calling the shots, so take advantage.
4. Work with your budget
A downfall to traveling alone is that there is no one with whom to split bills. However, if you budget what you have and plan accordingly, you should have no problems. Travelling frugally can be quite fun; often, you’ll find hidden gems like delicious food only the locals know about.
5. Meditation and self-reflection
Experiencing things alone is good for your mind, body and soul. For yoga lovers, a mountain pose at the pinnacle of a trip while in nature is a beautiful thing. Sometimes it’s important to take advantage of the quiet, so enjoy the moment and reflect on your emotions and sentiments.
6. Independent problem solving
It’s okay to be lost as long as you’re polite and considerate when you ask for help — try to learn at least a few phrases in the native language. A little bit can go a long way, and learning not to get down on yourself leads to embracing life lessons. Stretching your budget and preventing problems before they occur, like by notifying banks of your travel plans, are effective problem solving tactics, as well.
7. Messy hair, don’t care
I have friends who spend tons of time in front of the mirror, so I usually feel obligated to put on makeup as well. Traveling with guys makes me feel bad about spending too much time on my appearance. Whether you enjoy primping or just like the option to do as you please, traveling alone is the easiest way to rock whatever look you want.
8. Nerding out
While traveling in San Diego, I found myself with not enough cash for a cab ride back to my hotel. As a result, I had a pretty long walk home, so I put ear buds in and literally skipped along the marina on my commute back. If you’re alone, you can do that unabashedly.
9. Cultural immersion
If there is a language barrier where you’re going, there is no faster way to learn a language than to immerse yourself in the culture. Without having a buddy who shares your language, your only option for verbal communication is to learn the native dialect. Being alone allows you to absorb your environment and notice the people around you — how they talk, dress and even walk.
10. The storytelling experience
You’ll create endless memories when you tell friends and stories of your travels. Because the trip was only yours, it’s a unique experience many people will love to hear about. As long as you make the most of your solo expedition, your stories will be epic accounts you’ll never get tired of telling.
Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It